


Prom Night

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Promstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:08:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21560560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: couldn't figure out the trigger warning tags so here they are:manipulation, vulgarity, underage alcohol usage, violencei didnt proofread so excuse any mistakes in quirks, grammar, etc.
Relationships: AraFef, DaveJohn, Equitav - Relationship, EriSol, Gamrezi - Relationship, Rosemary - Relationship, VrisKat, jadenep
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Prom Night

CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.

CCG: I DON’T KNOW WHICH ONE OF YOU DICKSUCKERS THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO PUT PROM POSTERS EVERYWHERE, BUT WHOEVER IT IS, YOU’VE GOT IT COMING FOR YOU.  


CCG: YOU KNOW PROM IS A STUPID IDEA!  


CCG: WHY DID YOU THINK HOSTING ONE WOULD BE ANY SPECIAL?  
CCG: NEWSFLASH: IT’S NOT.  
CCG: SO AS LEADER OF OUR SCHOOL CLUB, CLUB ADORABLOODTHIRSTY, I DEMAND WHOEVER STARTED IT TO TAKE THE WHOLE THING DOWN.  
CCG: NO ONE’S GOING TO BRING A DATE TO A DANCE THAT WILL PROBABLY END IN SPIKED PUNCH ALL OVER SOMEONE’S DRESS AND TP’ING SOMEONE’S HOUSE. I AM NOT JOINING IN ON THE HOKEY-POKEY DANCE CIRCLE, NO FUCKING WAY, SO DON’T BOTHER USING YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE OXYGEN ON BEGGING ME TO JOIN IT. THAT’S KIDDIE PLAY. I’M THIRTEEN, A GROWN ADULT, AND THEREFORE AM TOO OLD FOR THAT SHIT.

CURRENT arachnidsGrip [CAG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CAG: Awwwwwwwww, is Karkat upset a8out prom????????  
CAG: Going to cry like a 8a8y 8ecause he doesn’t have a d8????????

CCG: SHUT UP, SERKET.  
CCG: NO ONE’S GOING TO GO WITH YOUR SCRAPPY ASS.  
CCG: YOU’RE WORSE OFF THAN ME, SO DON’T GIVE ME THAT 8 SHIT LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO.  
CCG: YOU KNOW WHAT?  
CCG: FUCK YOU.

CCG banned CAG from responding to memo.  


CCG: NOW THAT ONE PEST HAS BEEN TAKEN CARE OF, LET’S DEAL WITH THE OTHERS.  
CCG: WHO AM I KIDDING? WHY AM I SAYING LET’S? I’M THE ONLY ONE OF OUR RAGTAG BUNCH OF FUCKASSES WHO CAN ACTUALLY GET A JOB DONE. SHEESH.  
CCG: NOW FESS UP!  
CCG: WHICH ONE OF YOU LOSERS IS IN CHARGE OF THIS DUMB PROM?  
CCG: DON’T MAKE ME HAVE TEREZI INTERROGATE ALL OF YOU.

CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo

CGC: *GC SWOOPS 1N FROM 4BOV3 UPON H34R1NG H3R N4M3 4G41N. WH4T COULD TH1S 1NF3R1OR B31NG POSS1BLY W4NT FROM 4 L4W 3NFORC3R SUCH 4S MYS3LF? SH3 QU3ST1ONS, H3R QU3ST1ON R1NG1NG OUT FOR 4LL TO H34R. M4YB3 SH3 SHOULD BR1NG H3R TRUST3D ASS1SST4NT, 4C, WOULD COM3 OUT AND H3LP H3R*

CCG: OH, NO WAY.  
CCG: NOT THIS.  
CCG: AM I GOING TO HAVE TO SMASH MY HEAD AGAINST THE KEYBOARD TO MAKE THIS SHITSHOW STOP?  
CCG: DO NOT BRING NEPETA INTO THIS.  
CCG: I DO NOT WANT YOUR ROLEPLAY IN MY MEMO, TEREZI!  
CCG: THIS IS FOR STRICTLY SERIOUS BUSINESS, AND YOU ARE NOT HELPING.

CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CAC: :33 < *upawn being called, ac pounces ofur to gcs side! yes miss? what do you n33d? purrhaps some chameowmeow fur the impawnding trial? ac questions inquisitively towards gc with a couple of smiles*

CCG: FUUUUUUUUCK THIS.  
CCG: I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE MYSELF A HEADACHE TRYING TO READ YOUR DUMBASS ROLEPLAY MESSAGES!  
CCG: THIS IS A SERIOUS CHAT, NOT SOME DUMB LET’S-FUCK-AROUND-AND-ANNOY-KARKAT-BECAUSE-WE-FIND-THAT-TO-BE-ENORMOUS-AMOUNTS-OF-FUN-AND-WHILE-WE’RE-AT-IT-WE-CAN-RUIN-HIS-ASPIRATIONS-TOO SITUATION! ALTHOUGH THAT IS WHAT YOU DIMWITS SEEM TO THINK IT IS.

CCG banned CGC from responding to memo.

CCG banned CAC from responding to memo.

CCG: OK.  
CCG: DEEP BREATHS, KARKAT.  
CCG: IN  
CCG: OUT.  
CCG: IN  
CCG: OUT.  
CCG: OK.  
CCG: NEPETA, TEREZI, AND VRISKA ARE ALL RULED OUT SUSPECTS FOR WHO IS HOSTING THE PROM. NOT BECAUSE I DON’T THINK THEY’RE ALL SUSPICIOUS ENOUGH TO BE THE HOLDER OF SUCH A MALICIOUS EVENT, BUT BECAUSE I AM NOT DEALING WITH VRISKA’S SHENANIGANS, OR TEREZI AND NEPETA’S SHIT ROLEPLAY.  
CCG: GO DO THAT IN ANOTHER MEMO, BUT NOT MINE.  
CCG: THAT DUMB ‘FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY’ MEMO THAT TEREZI MADE.  
CCG: GOD, I WANT TO THROW MYSELF OFF A CLIFF FOR WRITING THAT NAME.  
CCG: WHY DID TEREZI MAKE THAT NAME SO GODFORSAKEN STUPID?  
CCG: NOT THE POINT.  
CCG: THIS IS SERIOUS, KARKAT.  
CCG: GET A-FUCKING-HOLD OF YOURSELF.  
CCG: DO THOSE DEEP BREATHING EXERCISES DAVE TAUGHT YOU.

CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CTG: bro  
CTG: those breathing exercises were supposed to stay between me and you  
CTG: between bro and bro  
CTG: you broke the bro code  
CTG: youve been demoted from bro status  
CTG: youre now just some loser who i picked off the sides of the streets who was raised by the squirrels and thinks you are one  
CTG: no that is not too specific  
CTG: it juts the hierachy of bro  
CTG: i cant believe you broke the bro code karkat  
CTG: for shame

CCG banned CTG from responding to memo.

CCG: I DID NOT KNOW TODAY WAS NATIONAL PISS OF KARKAT DAY. OH WAIT, THAT'S EVERY FUCKING DAY WITH YOU SHITS.  


CURRENT terminallyCapricious [CTC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. 

CTC: MoThErFuCk KaRkAt.  
CTC: YoU cOuLd ReAlLy UsE a MiRaClE rIgHt NoW.  
CTC: I gOt YoU cOveRed My BrOtHeR.  
CTC: LeT's GeT aLl Up On ThAt WiCkEd ElIxIr.  
CTC: It'Ll Be A gOoD tImE!  


CCG: OH GREAT, JUST WHAT I NEEDED RIGHT NOW.  
CCG: SARCASM.  
CCG: I FEEL THE NEED TO POINT THAT OUT EVERY TIME BECAUSE SOME OF YOU FUCKERS DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT WORD MEANS.  


CURRENT ghostyTrickster [CGT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. 

CGT: hey karkat, lay off gamzee!  
CGT: he could be just playing some funky prank on us all.  
CGT: y'know, making us all think he's got this drunkie thing going on but he doesn't actually do drugs.  
CGT: shrug. that's just a theory though.  


CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo 

CAT: i AGREE, wE SHOULDN'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS,,,,,  


CCG: SORRY, MY BAD!  
CCG: FORGIVE ME FOR WORRYING ABOUT OUR FRIEND AND HIS WEIRD ADDICTION TO WHATEVER HE CALLS SOPOR SLIME.  
CCG: NO, NO NEED TO SCOLD ME FOR WORRYING. I WILL CEASE MY WORRYING.  


CGT: geez karkat!  
CGT: no need to get so snippy with us!  
CGT: get it? snippy because of crab claws? and you own a crab?  


CCG: NOPE.  
CCG: AND THAT DISGUSTING EXCUSE FOR A JOKE CONCLUDES OUR EPISODE OF KARKAT WILL EVENTUALLY BE LED TO HIS DEATH BY A GROUP OF 15 OTHER DUMBASSES INCAPABLE OF EATING THEIR OWN FOOD WITHOUT HELP FROM THEIR MOMS OR DADS OR WHATEVER PARENTAL GUARDIAN YOU HAVE IN YOUR NOBODY LIFE.  
CCG: TL;DR PROM SUCKS, WHOEVER MADE IT I WILL GET REVENGE ON.  
CCG: THIS WILL BE PICKED UP AT SCHOOL. NO ONE MISS CLUB OR YOU WILL REGRET IT.

CCG closed memo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Great. What a fun read that was, don’t ya think? That doesn’t matter. I have the narrative power to speed through your lameass night and skip to the next club meeting, or I could make you watch through Karkat’s excruciatingly boring night as he stares at his television all night and rots his brain. Your choice. Well, actually, it’s my choice. What to choose, what to choose. I think our friend Terezi will have a good idea on how to help?

**==> Be Terezi **

**You are now TEREZI PYROPE.**

You get the deal. You feel a strong urge to go flip your coin; a shiny silver thing tucked away in the mess of your room. Well, you don’t really KNOW if it’s shiny. You can’t see. Fuck you, Vriska. However, your dislike towards her isn’t what’s compelling you to go over to the coin and flip it. To be honest, you don’t even know why you want to go do that. And to be even more honest, it’s getting hard to find that small sliver of silver. Hah, see what I did there? Ok, that’s not funny. Whatever. Ok, flip that coin, please!

** ==> Flip the coin **

You flip the coin.  
Heads for whatever the person controlling you wishes for, and tails for whatever they don’t want. Wait, if they already know what they want, why are we going through the trouble of doing this? Why am I writing this? Right. I’m getting paid. Hurry up, Terezi! This is a Vriskat fic, not a Terezi fic! We don’t have all night, we need to figure out who hosted the prom too. Place your bets, people. Oh, who am I kidding? It’s heads. Let’s skip to the club.

** ==> Skip to the club **

Alright, I’ve already told you we would. No need to type in the action! Now, you’re in the clubroom. I should probably specify who ‘you’ is, right? Well, ‘you’ could be anyone in the clubroom! Maybe Nepeta or Sollux, if I even knew his personality. Anyway, you’re Vriska. You're lounging right leg over left leg in a business chair that you liked to call the 'captain's chair' because you were, well, the captain! You disregarded the fact that Karkat was the leader. He was too hung up on this silly prom thing. Dude, you realize you can just not go, right? But that wasn't the case. You, Vriska, liked to torture him. Playful fun, you called it. He didn't think so, but you can assure it was totally funny to everyone else. Maybe not the goody-two-shoes like the rest of the girls, save Terezi. Whatever. The girls can go cry like babies in the corner for all you care. It's not like any of them would try and stop it. The boys all get a kick out of it, except Equius and Tavros. God, why did the majority have to always hate on your fun?

So, why did you bring up your 'playful torture'? Because that was exactly what you were going to do right now. You knew who was in charge of the prom. You give them a bad glare, one filled with malice. Oh wait, they haven't arrived yet. Ha, you just stink-glared the door. Damned door had to ruin your move. Whatever. You walk over to Karkat's seat, one of those normal ass school chairs that kill your back. No wonder he's so grouchy. 

VRISKA: Karkles!!!!!!!! 

KARKAT: SHOVE A DICK UP IT. I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT. 

VRISKA: Awwwwwwww, 8ut it's just so fun to see you squirm! Say, a8out prom... 

KARKAT: OH, ARE YOU HERE TO PROFESS YOU DYING LOVE TO ME? OR MAYBE FINALLY COME CLEAN ABOUT THE HORRENDOUS SIN YOU HAVE COMMITTED BY HOSTING PROM? WHAT COULD IT POSSIBLY BE, OH FINE VRISKA SERKET? 

VRISKA: No, of course not! I need you to to prom with me as my d8 so we can figure out who's in charge of it. 

KARKAT: WHAT.

Let it be known you weren't actually going to "figure out who hosted prom". That's child's play, and you aren't a child. You just wanted to mess with his heart, toy with his emotions. No, that's not a toxic and manipulative thing to do! You are DEFINITELY NOT a toxic person! How dare you even suggest such a thing? You have done nothing wrong your entire life, and anyone who says you have is a misogynistic masochist, lesbiphobic piece of--  
Whew, kind of went on a rant there, eh? My bad, back to the dialogue.

VRISKA: What are you, deaf? I knew your screaming must have done something to your 8rain, 8ut I didn't think you'd go deaf! Sorry for underestimating your capa8ility of 8eing a dum8ass. 

KARKAT: YOU LOST ME. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN ASKING ME? I KNOW YOU HAVE YOUR EYES ALL OVER TEREZI. 

VRISKA: Shut up! 8esides, I know you like her too!

KARKAT: NO I DON'T! LET'S JUST GET BACK TO YOUR SHIT PLAN. WHAT THE FUCK DOES ME GOING OUT WITH YOU TO PROM HAVE TO DO WITH FINDING THE CULPRIT? 

VRISKA: Shhhhhhhh! Keep your voice down! 

KARKAT: sorry 

VRISKA: Ok, now listen close! I'm not repeating this all again. So, we'll head to the prom. There's no way any of the 8oys would host this, so we'll hover around the girls. We need to pretend we're in love, okay? We're going to stop 8y Nepeta first and try to make her jealous that you're all over me and don't even spare the slightest 8it of affection towards her. That means you need to be rude to her, which you shouldn't have much trou8le doing. Just follow my lead though. If we can't get Nepeta to spill, try and 8reak her so that if Kanaya sees it, she might spill. If Kanaya doesn't spill, then we need to 8ring Rose in. You'll gra8 her attention and pull her over, that is if they aren't already going as a d8. Rose and Kanaya would do anything together. We don't have to care about Jade or Terezi. Terezi would never say anything, she's all a8out justice and fairness. Jade pro8a8ly won't even be going. Aradia wouldn't need to host a prom 8ecause she's over at Feferi's house every week. That also rules out Feferi. So, our top suspects are Nepeta, Kanaya, and Rose. Got it? 

KARKAT: hold the fuck up. you want us to break nepeta? what has she done to you? 

VRISKA: Come on, Karkat. She's pro8a8ly high off catnip everyday, she roleplays like a freak, and she could 8e in charge of this prom. Kanaya or Equius can take care of her if she starts crying like a 8a8y 8ecause her crush left her for someone o8viously 8etter than her. 

KARKAT: i don't know, vriska. 

VRISKA: Do it if you want to learn the culprit!!!!!!!! 

KARKAT: FINE.

Finally, that trainwreck of a conversation was over. You had originally wanted to toy with Karkat's emotions, but you found it much more fun to do that to your friends. Oh boy, do they have it coming for them! You planned on telling your date who hosted the prom after their plan failed (which was technically it succeeding), so she could watch his weird smile fade into a displeased frown at the chaos he caused among his friend group. You could just picture it now! There would be crying in the background as everyone's fantasies about having a romantic prom are crushed under your and Karkat's rule. You thought about the power you wielded. You could make someones day a living hell or make it wondeful. You and Karkat could ruin someone's life doing this. Just the fun you liked to partake in. Maybe Karkat would even start to see you in a new light. Instead of viewing you as a bitch--sorry, 8itch--he would view you as a god. You wished he would catch some feelings so you could crush them in your prosthetic arm. God, you were amazing. Why couldn't everyone see that?

** ==> Be Karkat. **

You are now KARKAT VANTAS.

Vriska just recently gave you the lowdown on what was going to happen tomorrow night. It worried you, how she could so easily talk about destroying your friend's emotions in one simple night for one simple goal. However, you had agreed to it. What had you been thinking? You couldn't go over to Vriska and tell her you were about to chicken out. You did not need another person impacting the amount you loathe yourself today. Nope, not today Satan. You shake off that conversation, it wasn't the creepiest you had. This *was* club time. You needed to be a club leader, so what's the most reasonable thing to do?

KARKAT: ALRIGHT. CLUB ADORABLOODTHIRSTY IS ENDING EARLY TODAY, SO YOU GAGGLE OF DBAGS CAN GO LIVE YOUR UNEVENTFUL LIVES OUT AT HOME. IT'S NOT LIKE WE DO ANYTHING HERE. 

No one seemed phased at that. A few murmurs went around the room, but slowly they all shuffled out the door and went to "LIVE THEIR UNEVENTFUL LIVES OUT AT HOME" as you had said. 

**==> Go home.**

You leave the clubroom after everyone else leaves. Prom was tomorrow. You really hope Vriska's plan will succeed before you do too much damage. None of your friends deserved that treatment, yet you were giving it to them. Geez, you're ending up like Vriska. Your feet drag behind you as you make the long trek over to your house, only to see a spider bitch standing at your stoop. 

VRISKA: Karkles!!!!!!!! 

KARKAT: OH FUCK NO. 

You start to turn around and head in the opposite direction, but your friend, if you could even call her that, grabbed you by the shirt hood with surprisingly swift reflexes and pulled you right in front of you. Unfortunately, with your height and strength difference, you couldn't really do anything but thrash in her grip. 

KARKAT: LET ME GO, DICK! 

VRISKA: 8lah, 8lah, 8lah! 

Vriska put a hand over your mouth to keep you from yelling, but quickly removed it when you started biting her palm. 

VRISKA: Do you ever shut up? Anyway, that's not why I'm here. 

VRISKA: We need to match for prom, so I stole my mom's credit card and we're going to go out shopping. 

VRISKA: I sure as hell am not going with someone to this who is wearing sweats and an oversized jacket. 

KARKAT: WHAT? I AM NOT DRESSING UP FOR YOU! 

VRISKA: You aren't dressing up for ME, you're dressing up for the plan! 

Vriska didn't let you retort again. She grabbed your hand. You tried to pull yours away, but she only held on tighter. She was really taking this dating thing super far. Jesus Christ, just let it go already, damn. You didn't have to actually act like boyfriend and girlfriend. It would be one night, a three hour period. No need to get so clingy and attached. You two were already on your way to the mall, however. Hopefully you didn't spot any of your school friends. You didn't want your self-loathing to increase any further. For fuck's sake, if it got worse, you'd just be a walking ball of self-hate. 

Soon-- no, it took eons-- you were at the mall. You hadn't been paying attention, but Vriska eventually shoved a deep blue tuxedo into your arms. You could care less as long as no photos were taken. If you saw one camera flash, you would be tackling the taker in an instant and deleting that photo. It was one thing to pretend to be Vriska's date for a prom but a whole different thing was having memories of the night. You definitely would not want future Karkat to be reminded of past Karkat's mistakes. 

** ==> Skip to prom  **

Yes please! You're tired of being Karkat, and you really want to see all the dates everyone has. You also can't wait for Vriska's plan to go into action. Why? It was juicy as hell. As much as you, the reader, wouldn't like to see Nepeta or any of them suffer, you have to admit, it makes for a good Vriska thing to do. It sounds like something she'd do. Hopefully. Anyway, prom time! 

**==> Be Vriska**

You are now VRISKA SERKET. After buying your matching outfits in cerulean, you had to give Karkat some lessons on how to act for their plan. There was so many temper tantrums from him. You would go into more detail, fondly remembering that moment, but your mind was completely focused on the plan. You had arrived with your long hair pulled into an elaborate updo, and Karkat's hair had been tamed. You had to check with Kanaya multiple times to make sure Karkat looked his best and would be sure to make Nepeta drop to her knees with how shocking he looked. Hopefully. The prom was more interesting than you had thought it would be. Fairy lights hung from the rafters of the dimly lit gym. Pop music was blaring from the speakers, and there were rainbow disco lights over the whole gym. Streamers hung down from the ceiling along with many more decorations. There wasn't a theme, it was just prom, however it was clear whoever hosted this put lots of effort into it. Karkat had an arm around your waist, much to his reluctance. You had to pay him after this because that was the only way to get him to behave and put up with your shenanigans. You scan the room, looking for your first target-- I mean victim-- No wait, person to talk to. Yep, that is definitely the right choice in words. Where the hell is Nepeta? You push your way through the crowd, trying to find the short girl. It was almost shocking how short she was. Karkat was one of the shortest people in their grade, but Nepeta was shorter. Jesus, couldn't she just grow a foot please? However, you eventually hear her shrill voice over the speakers. God, you also hated her voice. Why was it so high? It was like, earbleedingly high. Whatever. You make your way over to her. She was dressed in an olive tuxedo. Did they even make tuxedos that small? She probably had to look in the little boy's section! You hate to admit, though, that you were shocked by who she came with. Nepeta hadn't arrived with Equius. Instead, she was partnered with Jade Harley. Jade, the dog-lover, who also happened to be two feet taller than Nepeta. You had to look up at her. Jesus Christ. Jade had on a halter top black dress with white sparkles to represent space and stars supposedly. She had a green belt over the waist along with a matching green headband. Cat and dog. Never thought she'd see it. 

NEPETA: :33 < hi vwiskers! hi karcat! 

JADE: hi! :D 

VRISKA: Nepeta! Do you know who's hosting this? I need to talk to them. 

NEPETA: :33 < no im sorry 

KARKAT: WHY THE FUCK NOT? 

NEPETA: :33 < because i cant! 

You watch as her face contorts from a happy smile into what resembled a frown. You can't say you ever saw her look sad, but today was a day of firsts. Some sick part of you hoped this confrontation would impact her forever. Maybe she'd abandon silly crushes. However, the other half of you hates to see her like this. You clear your mind. Who cares what the good side of you thought? This was an *official* plan! You were supposed to break her heart down into tiny little pieces. Leave a girl who used to be bounding with joy as a short, empty loser. It was what she deserved. (Though, I feel it should be known Nepeta hasn't done anything wrong. Vriska's just a bitch. Author's note.) 

KARKAT: IS TELLING US WHO THE LONELY BALLFONDLER RESPONSIBLE FOR THROWING THE SADDEST SOCIAL GATHERING IMAGINABLE REALLY GOING TO AFFECT YOUR LIFE SO SIGNIFICANTLY? OH, NO, NO. OF COURSE US ASKING FOR SUCH INFORMATION IS FUCKING FATAL TO YOU, ISN'T IT? COULD IT RUIN WHATEVER UNDOUBTABLE DEPRESSING GOAL YOU HAVE TURNING UP HERE? FURTHER SINK SOME FICTITIOUS SHIPS NO ONE ACTUALLY GIVES A SINGULAR CRAP ABOUT BUT, FOR WHATEVER REASON, YOUR FUCKED UP HEAD INSISTS ON CLINGING ONTO? 

VRISKA: Karkles, it's fine! 

Phase one initiated. You sweep Karkat up off his feet. He opened his mouth up to yell at you. You could imagine what he said. 'YOU FUCKING SHITSTAIN, SET ME DOWN RIGHT NOW! I NEVER SAID YOU COULD TOUCH ME, LEST PICK ME UP SO YOU BETTER RETURN ME TO THE SAFETY OF THE EARTH WHERE I CAN CONTINUE TO SEE THE BACKS OF PEOPLE'S LEGS.' Okay, maybe not the second part, but you weren't just going to pretend you're Karkat and not include something about how he was gremlin sized. In order to shut him up, you bring him into a lousy kiss, before setting him down on the ground, unfazed. Karkat seemed to be quite conflicted, though. You check Nepeta's expression. Nothing. Damnit! Alright, phase two. 

VRISKA: May8e I should check with Equius. Hopefully he's smarter than his dum8 friend. 

NEPETA: :33 < hey! im not dumb! 

VRISKA: Awwwwwwww, don't get so defensive! It's not my fault you're as challenged mentally as you are vertically! 

NEPETA: :33 < im not mentally challenged! shut up! 

JADE: you cant talk to her like that! 

KARKAT: OH, SHUT UP HARLEY. YOU WOULDN'T KNOW INTELLIGENCE IF IT HIT YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE. 

VRISKA: If you're so smart, why do you roleplay? Why do you act like a freak and ship us? You realize that's creepy and stalker-y, right???????? No one's attracted to that. 

You lean in close to the cat girl, whispering in her ear. 

VRISKA: Equius only stays around out of pity. Jade sees you as a 8urden. If she could, she would totally drop your ass! Don't even get me started on Karkat. He's never liked you, you realize that? He thinks you're weird and a freak. He never has had one ounce of love towards you! Have you really thought any8ody would want to hang around with someone whose voice sounds like the fire alarm going off? 

** ==> Be Nepeta  **

No.

** ==> Be Nepeta  **

No.

** ==> Be Nepeta  **

No.

** ==> Be Nepeta  **

Fine! You are now NEPETA LEIJON. It's hard to explain the whirlwind of emotion going through you. Before Vriska and Karkat had showed up, you'd been messing with the ribbon on Jade's dress, laughing together. But then, the other two swooped in and had to ruin it. Vriska's words hadn't hurt you much until the freak parts about shipping, your crush on Karkat, and Jade and Equius. She knew about all that stuff? You balled your hands into fists. She didn't know *why* though! You shipped because of the distance between you and your friends. To be honest, you had always felt distant when talking with them, and physically, you were. Shipping was something you did to make yourself feel more close to everyone. And your crush on Karkat. Everyday you contemplated telling him, but that was when you reminded yourself that he deserved better. Karkat didn't have to settle for a girl like you, a girl whose main hobby is to do weird roleplay and ship her friends. You didn't deserve someone like him. Of course he'd be with Vriska. You just hadn't expected it to come hit you right in the face. 

NEPETA: :33 < whyd you do this? 

VRISKA: You really wanna know?! Look Nepeta its so, so easy. You tell us what we want to know and thats it! We leave you al8ne! 8ut if you dont, well, it pretty much shows us h8w much of an annoying, selfish, little 8rat you really are. And if we're 8eing a hundred percent honest, you're always that! So just tell us who hosted this fucking shit hole 

KARKAT: BESIDES, LET'S ADDRESS THE ELEPHANT ROARING DEAFENINGLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM; WHY WOULD YOU EVEN ATTEND THIS GLORIFIED SHITFEST IF YOU WERE UNAWARE OF THE HOST? MAYBE JUST TO FUEL YOUR COMPLETE OBSESSION WITH EVERYONE ELSE'S RELATIONSHIPS? MAYBE TO FURTHER CEMENT YOUR AWARENESS THAT THE ONLY RELATIONSHIP YOU'LL EVER BE IN IS A SAD FRIEND THING WITH THE BIGGEST, MOST REVOLTING DOUCHEFUCK AROUND? 

KARKAT: NO ONE WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH SOMEONE LIKE YOU. WHY DON'T YOU GO CRY TO EQUIUS, TELL HIM, ":33 < oh how very rude they were! i just wish i wasnt here anymurr!" AND WATCH HIM NOT CARE. ZAHHAK DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ANYBODY'S PROBLEMS BUT HIS OWN, LEIJON. GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF AND COME TO TERMS WITH THE FACT NO ONE WANTS TO BE WITH YOU. 

You watch as the two of them leave. You blink a few times and wipe at the tears forming. Crying is a weakness, and you don't want to be seen as even more weak than you already were. (Which was kind of dumb, being that Nepeta does multiple sports and could probably beat Karkat in a fight) Jade gives you a pat on the back. 

JADE: do you wanna get out of here? you realize none of what they said is true, right? \:( 

You look up at the dog girl with a forced smile, as if nothing ever happened. 

NEPETA: :33 < dont worry about it! im sure they just got the april fools date mixed up! 

** ==> Be Karkat **

Nothing can describe how much hate you feel right now. You just let Vriska--Vriska of all people!--kiss you. What the hell was going through your head when you agreed to this? Did you want to see your friend look so hurt? You should never have gone through with it. You could have totally ruined Nepeta's life. That's not what you thought of her-- You certainly didn't reciprocate her feelings, but you didn't loathe the poor girl. She had seemed happy with Jade, and she was happy with Equius, but you just had to tell her both of them hated her. What a good club leader and friend you are, Karkat! Nice one, dude! You really need someone to slap some common sense into you. What better way to do that than to yell at Vriska? You yank on her dress and haul her over to the janitor's closet, ready to blow up on this girl. You stare up at her, spitting daggers with your stare. 

KARKAT: WHAT.  
KARKAT: THE.  
KARKAT: HELL.  
KARKAT: WAS.  
KARKAT: THAT?!  
KARKAT: I NEVER AGREED TO MAKING NEPETA FEEL INSECURE ABOUT HER HOBBIES! YOU SAW THE LOOK SHE GAVE US RIGHT BEFORE WE LEFT. WE ******ACTUALLY HURT HER****** VRISKA. DOES THAT NOT PHASE YOU AT ALL? DOES IT NOT OCCUR TO YOU THAT WE COULD HAVE COMPLETELY TORN APART EQUIUS AND NEPETA'S FRIENDSHIP OR WHATEVER WAS GOING ON WITH HER AND JADE? THERE IS SOMETHING SO WRONG ABOUT YOU. SO ENTIRELY FUCKING SICK. I DON'T KNOW, WE MIGHT HAVE RUINED HER ENTIRE LIFE IN WHAT TOOK US FIVE MINUTES. SHE *******LOVED******* ME. HEARING THE SHIT I SPEWED PROBABLY HURT HER SO MUCH. I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THAT!

VRISKA: Karkles ::::( 

KARKAT: STOP WITH THAT DUMB NICKNAME! 

VRISKA: Shhhhhhhh! 

ERIDAN: look sol, neither of us wanna be at this dumb prom  
ERIDAN: so don't get all wwhiny on me because im not dealing wwith a big baby  


SOLLUX: doe2 iit look liike ii giive 2 2hiits about what you want ED?  
SOLLUX: iif anythiing youre the one who ii2 cryiing liike a liittle baby, 2o ii dont wanna hear iit  


ERIDAN: wwhy dont you just go hide in the closet or somethin so i dont gotta hear your blubberin 

You cast a look at Vriska, and immediately start yelling again to try and ward off Eridan and Sollux, who also seemed to not be having the best time here. It wasn't that shocking. You didn't even know why they came as a date. The two despised each other. Maybe it was some shit attempt at pissing off Aradia and Feferi, even though they seemed pretty happy together. Were they together? Could be that they were just super close friends. It was another Jade and Nepeta situation. Whether they were friends or dating was a mystery to you, despite the endless romantic comedies you watch. Most of them touch base on heterosexual couples. 

KARKAT: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST DID THAT! 

VRISKA: I???????? We d8d that TOGETH8R!!!!!!!! 

KARKAT: I DIDN'T MEAN TO, WHEREAS YOU GOT A KICK OUT OF IT AND YOU CAN'T EVEN DENY THAT! GOD, YOU ARE ***INSUFFERABLE***  


KARKAT: I DIDN'T ENJOY WHATEVER THE HELL WE JUST DID  


SOLLUX: ii'd liike to 2ee you try and make me hiide! now 2hut up for a 2econd, 2omethiing ii2 happeniing iin there

ERIDAN: i'm not goin to listen to someone a your caliber 

SOLLUX: just 2hut up! thiisll be iintere2tiing iif you could just be quiiet for once iin your goddamned liife 

ERIDAN: this is stupid 

VRISKA: Don't try and deny the fact you looooooooved it. I know you did! You hung onto my every word like a little puppy! 

KARKAT: YOU'RE DELUSIONAL. NO THE FUCK I DIDN'T. YOU'RE A TWISTED SADIST! YOU ENJOY SEEING PEOPLE CRY AND/OR GETTING HURT. I JUST WITNESSED IT FIRSTHAND! I'M SICK OF YOUR DUMB FUCKING PLAN. I SHOULDN'T HAVE AGREED TO DO THIS. I'M DONE. 

VRISKA: I can change your mind! 

Yeah, right. Vriska couldn't do shit besides make people feel like worthless pieces of trash or a tool. You were feeling kind of like a tool right now. She used you to hurt Nepeta and for what? A failed operation? You head for the door, but Vriska put a hand forcefully on your shoulders, spinning you around and into her grasp. Her arms were wrapped tight around your waist. God, this made you want to vomit your guts out. What was she doing? You were done pretending to be her date. You start to yell and thrash. 

KARKAT: LET ME GO, FUCKASS! 

VRISKA: Shhhhhhhh........ 

You didn't want to shush, but she pulled the same mechanism as before. The spider girl pushed her lips down onto yours. It was bitter; you didn't want this. You hear the door open just a crack. Fuck! Who was there? You try and break out again, but Vriska's grip was tight as hell. Jesus, you felt like your spine was going to crack! You hear a click. Shit, shit, shit. That was the *ONE THING* you didn't want happening! Pictures! 

SOLLUX: damn, vii and kk are gettiing iit on. told you thii2 would be iintere2tiing 

ERIDAN: i really hate it wwhen youre right 

ERIDAN: i already hate you in general but you really gotta fuel it more 

SOLLUX: 2hut up ii got a piicture, now lets leave 

You finally manage to break free of Vriska's grip. You hadn't expected the beefucker and fishdick to come to the prom together, but they probably hadn't expected you and Vriska to come together either. You rush out of the janitors closet after them, completely ditching your "date". Even calling her that brings a sick taste into your mouth. 

KARKAT: HOLD THE FUCK UP, DOUCHEMUFFINS.  
KARKAT: THAT WAS NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT WAS.  


SOLLUX: we 2aw you 2noggiing vii iin the clo2et  
SOLLUX: doe2nt 2eem liike there2 much to not 2ee  


KARKAT: NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. SHE *FORCED* ME TO DO THAT. 

ERIDAN: it sounded like you twwo wwere doin somethin wway different 

KARKAT: WHAT? NO, NO, NO, NO. WE WEREN'T DOING ANYTHING WEIRD. I WAS PISSED OFF AT HER! 

SOLLUX: yeah becau2e 2he got a kiick out of 2eeiing you iin pain, kk. gotta admiit, you diidn't 2triike me a2 2omeone who would do iit wiith 2omeone iin a janiitor2 clo2et. how wa2 iit? 

KARKAT: YOU'RE NOT UNDERSTANDING! WE DIDN'T *DO* ANYTHING IN THAT CLOSET. I WAS PISSED AT HER BECAUSE OF SOMETHING SHE DID EARLIER! WE HADN'T EVEN BEEN IN THERE FOR FIVE MINUTES BEFORE YOU TWO DICKLICKS DECIDED THAT IT WAS A GOOD TIME TO SHOW UP. 

SOLLUX: damn dude. you fiinii2h way quiick. 

KARKAT: NO! MY GOD, SOLLUX. WHY HAS EVERYONE DECIDED NOW IS A GOOD TIME TO BE A FUCKASS TOWARDS KARKAT? WE ****WEREN'T DOING ANYTHING!!!!**** ALSO, WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT? GET A LIFE, CAPTOR. YOU TOO, AMPORA. TAKE THE FUCKING FISH DILDO OUT OF YOUR ASS AND DO SOMETHING IMPORTANT. 

ERIDAN: like railing vvri in a janitors closet 

KARKAT: NO!  
KARKAT: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? WE DIDN'T FUCK, WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING SADISTIC OR MASOCHISTIC. I WAS *FORCED* TO BE HER DATE. I WAS *FORCED* TO KISS HER. I HATED IT! NOW, DELETE THE PICTURES ON YOUR PHONE, SOLLUX. 

SOLLUX: delete them? that2 a 2hiit joke, kk. the2e piicture2 are gold. ii could probably 2ell them to creep2 who get off on that 2tuff. 

Shit. The getting off statement reminded you of Equius. You needed to get to him before Nepeta got to him. Hopefully Vriska was still in the janitor's closet and not causing more mischief. 

KARKAT: ZAHHAK. 

SOLLUX: youre riight hed probably liike thii2 photo. gotta go fiind hiim. 

Oh hell no. You take off, your stubby little legs going as fast as possible past Sollux. Where is that asshole when you need him? He always shows up whenever you don't want him, and then he'll sweat all over your clothes as he probably pictures himself drawing another weird horse porn comic. He, like Nepeta, was also short. It was weird. You would have expected him to be tall like Jade or Dave or Gamzee, but he's as short as Nepeta. 

EQUIUS: D --> What is wrong, Harley  
EQUIUS: D --> You will answer me this instant, and state your reason why you are here  


TAVROS: i DON'T THINK,, iT'S VERY NECESSARY TO YELL AT HER, eQUIUS  
TAVROS: sHE DOESN'T SEEM,,,, vERY HAPPY,  


You follow their voices. Tavros was right. She did not seem very happy. In fact, she seemed furious. More furious than when she first met you and thought you were the bane of the Earth. Kanaya and Rose were off to the side, engaging in their own conversation, occasionally looking over at the three kids. Mind your own damn business, resident lesbians. Anyway, you decide to be a hypocrite and listen in on why Jade was so upset. 

EQUIUS: D --> You are my inferior. You will answer me, Jade  
EQUIUS: D --> Tavros, you shall not speak to me that way, for I may start... perspiring over this suit 

TAVROS: oH, i'M SORRY, eQUIUS, 

JADE: i was going to tell you, but youre being so demanding! >:( 

EQUIUS: D --> My bad. I shall use more considerate words  
EQUIUS: D --> Harley, you may tell me what distresses you so 

Equius says this as if he was giving her permission to do so. God, does this man know anything about having a good conversation? How does Nepeta even stand him? A bad feeling hits your gut at that thought. Nepeta might *not* stand him anymore because of *your* wrongdoing. When you figure out why Jade is so upset, you'll enlist Kanaya and Rose in helping you and Vriska fix the shit you've caused. 

JADE: ugh!  
JADE: you dont have to give me permission to talk about how im feeling!  
JADE: your lucky im still going to tell you!  
JADE: its about nepeta 

EQUIUS: D --> What  
EQUIUS: D --> What has befallen her  
EQUIUS: D --> I told her I should have gone with her to this event  
EQUIUS: D --> Why did you not protect her  
EQUIUS: D --> Whoever has touched her, I will make sure they wish they had never %ed paths with me  


JADE: woah, woah calm down!!  
JADE: i tried to protect her but i- ugh!!!!!!  
JADE: i cant believe they did that!  
JADE: i never should have trusted them!  


Holy fuck. You're really in for it now. 

EQUIUS: D --> You have not told me what has happened to her  
EQUIUS: D --> Tell me now 

JADE: ok, ok!  
JADE: we were just having fun and then he came up! karkat and vriska, they just waltzed up like it was nobodies business!  
JADE: ugh, i hate him! i hate her!  
JADE: they yelled at her and told her rude things! she said everything was fine but i dont think so and then i started searching for you but she just left!  


EQUIUS: D --> Karkat and Vriska  
EQUIUS: D --> That boy is no good. I warned her not to fall for him

That's all you cared to stay around for. You ran over to Rose and Kanaya who weren't far away. They always knew what to do. 

KARKAT: LALONDE! MARYAM! 

KANAYA: What Do You Need Karkat 

KARKAT: HARLEY AND ZAHHAK ARE AFTER ME. 

ROSE: Excuse me? 

KANAYA: Why Are They After You Did You Do Something 

KARKAT: I MADE A MISTAKE, THAT'S WHAT! NOW THEY BOTH WANT ME DEAD. I KNOW ZAHHAK WOULDN'T HURT ME EVEN IF HE WANTED TO, BUT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT HARLEY! EVEN THOUGH SHE SEEMS OK WITH ME NOW, THERE'S NO DOUBT SHE COULD START HATING ME WITHIN A SECOND. 

KANAYA: Could You Possibly Explain To Me What Your Mistake Was 

KARKAT: NOT WITHOUT YOU DESPISING ME. HEY, WHY DON'T YOU JOIN ZAHHAK AND JADE IN THEIR HATE KARKAT BRIGADE? THAT'LL BE FUN! MAYBE I CAN GET EVERYONE TO JOIN THAT. LET ME JUST GO GRAB A MICROPHONE AND SPEW MY WRONGDOINGS FOR EVERYONE TO HEAR OUT ON THE STAGE LIKE I'M DISEMBOWELING MYSELF. 

ROSE: Karkat, you're acting like an infant. Kanaya nor I would hate you, despite what you have done. What is it? 

KARKAT: VRISKA AND I DID SOME SHIT THINGS! THAT'S IT. I JUST NEED YOU TO HELP ME AND HER FIX EVERYTHING. 

KANAYA: Vriska Is Up To No Good Again 

Shit. You forgot about Kanaya and Vriska's past. To be honest, Vriska has had a lot of history with a lot of people. She had been dating Kanaya, then used the fuck out of her. Then she dated Tavros, but that ended after she crippled him. You thought her and Terezi were a thing for a while, but they hate each other now. Wow, Vriska's gotten more hoes than you have bros.

ROSE: As much as I would love to partake in whatever you have going on, I do believe that this is a thing you need to sort out on your own with Vriska. 

KARKAT: LALONDE, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, THIS ISN'T SOMETHING I CAN DO ALONE! 

You call after her and Kanaya, but they've already left you in their dust. Panic starts to settle inside you. Sollux and Eridan thought you had been screwing their friend and had photographs for blackmail, Jade and Equius were after you for ruining their relationship with Nepeta, and Nepeta probably hated you right now. You rush out of the gym and head towards the bathroom, hoping to clear your mind. This was all your fault. If you had not been so goddamn nosy about who hosted this just because you didn't like it, none of this would have happened! You look at yourself in the mirror, and suddenly you don't recognize yourself. You tousle your hair, trying to remove the slicked-back version of it. That just wasn't you. 

KARKAT: fuck this. 

You say, not expecting someone to burst out of the stall. None other than the insufferable prick. You did not want to deal with him right now, but here we are. He had on a red tuxedo and those stupid aviator shades on. Who wears shades inside? 

DAVE: hey bro  
DAVE: why are you standing in the bathroom like the rabid squirrel raised person you are  


KARKAT: OH SHUT UP, STRIDER. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT MY NIGHT'S BEEN LIKE.  
KARKAT: LEAVE ME ALONE FOR ONCE. 

DAVE: look dude, youre right  
DAVE: i dunno what your nights been like but whatever happened mopin around aint it  
DAVE: nothins gonna get fixed like that  
DAVE: plus moping drops you down another tier on the cool guy rankings  
DAVE: youre dangerously close to burning hot piece of shit incapable of living out normal human capabilites because of your uncool factor  
DAVE: thats literally social suicide so  
DAVE: if i were you id be tryin to gain some cool guy points  
DAVE: now if youll excuse me i got a smokin hot date waitin for me  


With that, Dave left. God, why did he have to be the one making the most sense out of anyone at this godforsaken prom? He really was right. Moping around like the self-loathing idiot you are isn't going to solve anything. You needed to find Vriska and stop her before she does anything more rash. You would also need to make amends with everyone you fucked over tonight. God, it's hilarious how your life can come crashing down in the span of what, thirty minutes? **==> Be Vriska ** You mean be the coolest person in the whole school? Fuck yeah! You're now VRISKA SERKET. You were on the lookout for Aradia. Karkat had completely ditched you. You could really use some advice from a fellow gal pal, and who better than to talk to the one who was probably in a relationship? You push past a bunch of irrelevant losers, looking for the average sized female. You and her didn't have the most friendly relationship, but Aradia was always there to help a girl out. 

FEFERI: I just don't know )(ow to F-E-EL about )(im! Sometimes )(e's reely nice, but t)(en )(e turns out to be a )(uge pain in the neck! 

ARADIA: y0u d0nt need t0 label h0w y0u feel, y0u realize that? just live in the m0ment, dig s0me h0les, and h0st a c0rpse party! 0u0 

FEFERI: Glub glub! 

ARADIA: ribbit 

What are those two dimwits even talking about? Sounds like a feelings sesh. Time to crash ::::). You head over to them, putting on your best sad expression. 

ARADIA: 0h 

FEFERI: Vriska! W)(at's got you so glum? 38? 

VRISKA: Kark8t totally D8TCHED ME!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: I really thought we H8D something 8ut apparently not! He pro8a8ly just thinks I'm some T8OL he can use whenever he wants! God, I hope he rots in hell! 

ARADIA: th0se are s0me intense feelings vriska  
ARADIA: d0 y0u actually like him 0r were y0u g0ing t0 use him as a playt0y like all y0ur 0ther relati0nships? 

VRISKA: I don't kn8w! That's why I came to you, 8ut clearly you're no help! 

FEFERI: Vriska, calm down! Karkat probubbly didn't mean to ditc)( you! )(e's probubbly just going t)(roug)( somefin. 

VRISKAl You don't know ANYTH8NG, Feferi! You think everything will 8e happy and rain8ows! It's like Candy Land in your head! Get your 8rain out of the clouds and come down to Earth! God, you two do n8thing right, do you? I guess I'll just have to settle everything else on my own, LIKE ALW8YS! If you want a jo8 done ri8, do it yourself. Silly me for thinking you or Aradia could change and 8ecome actually helpful! 

Like an edgy, hormonal teenager, which you are, you storm away from both of them. What a nice person you are, right? You cast a look over your shoulder to see if your words had any impact on them. They stood there, mouths agape in shock. A sick smile formed on your face, one that really completed the villainy shtick you had going on in this story. **==> Be Dave. **

You are now DAVE STRIDER. You had just freshened up in the bathroom, ready to get out on your date with June when you were stopped by Karkat sobbing into a sink. The scene was utterly pathetic, but bros don't leave other bros sobbing into sinks at like, 6:31 P.M. Not even if they're on the lowest tier of the cool meter. You gave him some of your excellent advice tips, which were what you liked to call Strider Bits. Any dick jokes were completely coincidental. You are not gay. You do not make dick jokes. Those are gay. You are not a homosexual. Wait, let's fix that intro sentence. You are now, or have been for the past few sentences, DAVE STRIDER, KING OF HETEROSEXUALITY. Ok, new and improved into is done. Now, what is the god of ironicness doing now?

JUNE: dave, hurry up in there! you're taking forever. 

DAVE: i cant rush myself or ill risk ruining my hotness  
DAVE: and my coolness  
DAVE: you cant rush cool  
DAVE: i thought we went over this already  


JUNE: sorry, sorry! i must've zoned out again. thinkin' about con air 

DAVE: thats all you ever think about  
DAVE: you need to refine your taste in movies  
DAVE: i say we ditch this party and i show you what real cinema is  


JUNE: what kind of movie? 

DAVE: the emoji movie  
DAVE: nothin rivals the emoji movie  
DAVE: that is peak fucking cinema right there  
DAVE: the hottest piece of animation i ever laid my ironic shade covered eyes on  
DAVE: you up for emoji movie rewatchings  


JUNE: you cant seriously like that! 

DAVE: very over exaggerated gasp of shock and disappointment  
DAVE: how could you say that to me  
DAVE: we are through june i cant believe you  
DAVE: you arent even bro status anymore  
DAVE: youre lower than karkat and thats an achievement in and of itself  


JUNE: wait, i take it back! 

DAVE: oh  
DAVE: then were tight youre back up to bro status bro  


And with that conversation, you and June leave the prom in order to go rewatch the Emoji Movie for the ten thousandth time. No complaints here, that shit is better than any drug. Like, if you ever feel you wanna get down on alcohol or some weird vape or some shit, just go watch the Emoji Movie. It gives you the same feeling of euphoria and you don't have to pay because only nerds don't have the movie. That's another Strider Bit for you. Two in one reading, damn you're lucky! Speaking of drugs, you find someone you wished you didn't on your way out. Well, one of them was fine if they hadn't been a past love interest for you. The other, well, he was just a bit too much for you. Lay off the cocaine, mY bRoThER, as he would say. You and June both don't want to have this interaction, so you try and sidestep them, but Gamzee grabs your wrist and turns to face you in slow-mo. 

GAMZEE: wHaTs ThE rUsH, mOtHeRfUCkEr? 

JUNE: dave isn't feeling well! you better move, you're kind of in the splash zone. 

GAMZEE: ThE bAtHrOoMs ThAt WaY, sIsTeR. iLl WaLk YoU tO iT 

TEREZI: H3Y 1 DON'T SM3LL 4NY S1CKN3SS3S ON D4V3.  
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU 4VO1D1NG US? >:/ 

What the fuck is even going on? Apparently you were sick now. Hopefully it was an ironic sickness, otherwise you don't want anything to do with it. You feel someone elbow you in the side, causing you to double over in totally ironic pain. You would never unironically feel pain.

JUNE: hahaha why would we wanna avoid you? oh crap, looks like dave's hurt. i better go bring him to the nurse's! 

TEREZI: HOLD 1T R1GHT TH3R3, 3GB3RT. 1'LL T4K3 D4V3 TO TH3 1NF1RM4RY. TH1S SM3LL 1S F1SHY. 

Terezi says, then taking a big gulp of Redpop Faygo. There was tons of backwash in it. Gross. 

JUNE: no, no, i insist! plus, you've been drinking that um... faygo, and it's probably messing with your smell! i'll be right back, i promise! 

You and your pipin hot date both knew that they wouldn't be back. As soon as they were out of eyeshot from Gamzee and Terezi, they would run. Gamzee gives you one last stoned look and, faster than you've ever seen him move, he lets go of your wrist and hands you a bottle of Faygo. Uh, yeah, no thanks. You'll dump it out into the grass somewhere. You already have to deal with puppet dick on the daily, and taking any Faygo might make you see double. You give June a look, and you pretend to stagger sickly into the school, groaning and complaining ironically. Your face was still stoic. You weren't Dave if it wasn't stoic and ironic. Always keep things stoic and ironic. Strider Bits #3. Damn, I am so generous today. You better watch out, I'm spitting out so many Strider Bits its unreal. Again, the name is not a dick joke. Don't say it is. After you're fully inside and the back doors have closed, you stand up straight. You rest your elbow on June's head. Like Jade, you were freakishly tall. Lalonde and Egbert got the short genes. Hah, losers. Whatever. 

DAVE: egbert you totally impacted my cool dude status  
DAVE: cool guys dont get sick cmon this is common knowledge  


JUNE: i know, i know! what was i possibly thinking! sincerest apologies for defacing your status. 

DAVE: bro it just sounded like you got possessed by someone 

You put your hands on June's cheeks and shake her head. 

DAVE: hello is june in there  
DAVE: id like to talk to her please 

JUNE: quit it! im right here you realize that? 

TEREZI: B4RF!!!!  
TEREZI: YOU GUYS S3R1OUSLY LOOK L1K3 1D1OTS. 4ND D4V3, 4R3N'T YOU SUPPOS3D TO B3 1N TH3 NURS3S OFF1C3???  
TEREZI: 1 KN3W YOU GUYS W3R3 SUSP1C1OUS.  


JUNE: terezi! haha fancy seeing you here huh? 

TEREZI: W3 JUST T4LK3D. LI4R. 

JUNE: dave.  
JUNE: run! 

You barely had time to process what was going on when June pulled your hand and you started running. Four strides for her were one for you. They don't call you Strider for nothing. However, Terezi quickly caught up to them. Damn, how fast is that girl? 

TEREZI: H4LT 1N TH3 N4M3 OF TH3 L4W!  
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 L14BL3 FOR MULT1PL3 C4US3S, 4LL OF WH1CH 1 MAD3 UP R1GHT NOW.  


JUNE: you can't do that! you don't make the laws! 

TEREZI: 1 N3V3R S41D WH1CH L4W YOU W3R3 STOPP1NG FOR! YOU'R3 STOPP1NG 1N TH3 N4M3 OF TH3 T3R3Z1 L4W! 1 PR3SS CH4RG3S ON YOU FOR LY1NG TO M3! 

You and June didn't stop. You kept running from her when suddenly you bumped into Miss Pir8 Kink Girl, Queen of all things Spiders and Pirates, Vriska. She looked weirdly happy. What the fuck happened with her? You didn't have much time to question it before she grabbed the Redpop bottle out of your hands. Sheesh, you didn't know Serket was one to partake in the alcoholic pastime of intaking that shit. There was a lot you didn't know about, huh? You really don't wanna be around for when Vriska gets drunk off that stuff. You saw what it can do to someone like Gamzee, so you and June run around her, and turn back to see what will happen. What? You're curious. Also, Strider Bits #4, don't hang out around drunk people. They're freaky little shits. You honestly didn't know what you were expecting. Well, you did. You expected her to screw that bottle cap open, flick it off, and chug it. That wasn't what happened. Instead, it was much cooler. She screwed the bottle cap open with her mouth, spat out the cap, and splashed the red liquid over Terezi. A bit extreme, but hella cool. 

TEREZI: WH4T TH3 FUCK, VR1SK4???? >>>:[] 

VRISKA: Did I do that? Whoops!!!!!!!! May8e if you help me, I'll help you clean that off for you! 

TEREZI: TH3R3 1S NO W4Y 1N H3LL 1 4M H3LP1NG YOU W1TH WH4T3V3R TH3 FUCK YOU'R3 DO1NG! 1 4M FULLY C4P4BL3 OF CL34N1NG MYS3LF UP, TH4NK YOU V3RY NOT!  
TEREZI: H3Y WH3R3'D D4V3 4ND JUN3 GO? >:? 

After seeing Vriska do what she did, you and your girlfriend had booked it out of that place. You didn't wanna stick around for the aftermath of that. It would not be pretty.

** ==> Be Karkat  **

You had left the bathroom quite a bit ago after coming to your senses, thanks to the insufferable prick. Time to go find Vriska. The first thing you do is yell her name. The only thing you knew how to do well.

KARKAT: VRISKA!  
KARKAT: VRISKA SERKET GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE THIS INSTANT!  
KARKAT: VRIIIIIIIISKAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!  
KARKAT: I EVEN DID YOUR DUMB EIGHT THING, YOU BETTER HURRY UP!  


GAMZEE: wOaH wHaTs ThE rUsH bRoThEr?  
GAMZEE: yOu DiDn'T eVeN sToP bY fOr A sWiG  
GAMZEE: cOmE sIt WiTh Me  


KARKAT: AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO ACCEPT THE OFFER, DON'T YOU HAVE A FUCKING DATE TO GET BACK TO?  


GAMZEE: TeReZi MoThEr FuCkInG dItChEd Me  


Woah, woah, woah. Terezi? You were positive you had heard her mumbling crap about hating this drug addict. Why would she even come with him? You guess it made sense that she ditched him. You probably would've done the same. You couldn't tell which was worse, spending the three hours of prom with Gamzee or Vriska. It pained you to even imagine that. You were supposed to spend prom with Vriska but you got separated. More like you separated yourself from her. That was mistake, what, number 2945? She probably hurt some more innocent kids or feeding into Sollux and Eridan's weird fantasy of you and her. Just the thought of that makes you sick to the stomach. 

KARKAT: HAHAHA, WELL I ALSO HAVE A DATE TO GET TO.  


GAMZEE: VrIsKa? FrOm HeArInG yOu YeLl At HeR, i CaN sEe ThAt wE'rE iN tHe SaMe MoThErFuCkInG bOaT bRoThER.  
GAMZEE: LeTs JuSt HaVe SoMe TiMe ToGeThEr :o) 

Shit. How the fuck are you going to get out of this? You can't afford to be held back any longer, even if it is to spend some "quality time" with a drugged-up clown. Hey, wait, aren't we just thirteen? Damn, Gamzee's not gonna have a long life. Kinda sucks to think of it that way, but it was his fault for getting addicted. Or was it your fault because you couldn't stop him from getting addicted? Wow, add this onto the short list of things you do well: turning the blame onto yourself. So far, on said list, are three items.  
1\. Fuck shit up.  
2\. Yell.  
3\. Shift the blame to yourself.  
Nice, Karkat. You're amazing at so many things. 

KARKAT: WE... WERE JUST PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK. 

GAMZEE: SoUnDs LiKe FuN, iLl JoIn 

This was not what was supposed to happen. Abort the mission. What now? You can't just pull a Vriska and splash Faygo on him-- of course, you don't *know* that Vriska did that. That would be metaplaying. Metawriting? Metaroleplaying? Meta something. You don't really know. But you're still kind of confused on what to do. Come on, Vantas. You're a leader, you should know the best course of action in this situation where you accidentally started playing a game of hide and seek with a juggalo. You really need to tell him that the music he listens to kind of sucks. 

KARKAT: WHY DON'T YOU GO THAT WAY AND I'LL GO THIS WAY? IF YOU FIND VRISKA, SHOUT UM... 

GAMZEE: HoNK 

KARKAT: YEAH. THAT. YELL THAT. I'LL SAY 'FOUND YOU' 

GAMZEE: YoU'rE nOt GoNnA hOnK wItH mE? 

KARKAT: NO. 

GAMZEE: OnE hOnK  
GAMZEE: Do It FoR a FeLlOw MotHeRfUcKeR, bRoThEr 

KARKAT: NO MEANS NO! 

GAMZEE: C'mOn, HoNK! 

KARKAT: IF I SAY THAT WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE? 

GAMZEE: No 

KARKAT: WHY THE FUCK NOT? 

GAMZEE: BeCaUsE wE sTiLl HaVe To PlAy OuR mOtHeRfUcKiNg GaMe 

KARKAT: UGH, FINE. IF I SAY IT, WILL YOU START SEARCHING FOR SERKET? 

GAMZEE: YeS mOtHeRfUcKeR, aNyThInG fOr A bRoThEr 

KARKAT: IF IT'S ANYTHING FOR A-- YOU KNOW WHAT, NO. I'M NOT DOING THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW. GO START LOOKING! 

GAMZEE: YoU hAvEnT hOnKeD 

KARKAT: HONK! THERE, NOW GO FUCK OFF AND DO YOUR CLOWN SEARCHINGS!!! 

God, you hate yourself. However, Gamzee had smiled at you and turned around very slowly, slinking off to go find Vriska. Thank god, you got rid of him. You can now focus at the task at hand which was finding Serket. You hoped that you would find her before Gamzee. It would be creepy as fuck to hear a loud honk from down the hallway. If you were a coward, you would soil yourself at that but you aren't a coward. (Lies.) You walk through the halls, going in the opposite direction of your friend. This walk gave you lots of time to think about what happened. I say it's time for a recap, right?

** ==> Do NOT make a recap.  **

Why not?

** ==> Because everyone skips over them. No one reads them, and frankly, it's a waste of your time.  **

Weird command guy had you there. Even you skipped the 'previously on...' in television shows. You had literally just watched that episode, you do *not* need a recap. In this case, you had just read what shitstorm went down at this prom, you do *not* need a recap. If you do, well, must suck to be you, doesn't it? Anyway, you're walking through the hallways back towards the janitor's closet. Hopefully Vriska was still there. If not, you doubted your abilities to find her in the crowd. You would need to enlist Terezi with her scent skills, however she probably wouldn't help you with that unless you confessed to everything you did. You could also ask Nepeta-- she had a hunter's senses. I think it's pretty obvious why you couldn't do that. Next up on the perceptive people of your gang was Jade with her weird dog senses. She hated you as of this moment. Yeah, no. That left Aradia and Feferi. They were also probably in the crowd, so good luck to you on finding them. It was all up to you again-- well, and Gamzee, but you seriously doubted his skills. He could probably mistake a short tree for Vriska. Hah, that would be funny. If Vriska turned into a tree. Then you wouldn't have to deal with her anymore!

** ==>Be Vriska **

You are now VRISKA SERKET. You and Terezi had stayed where they were, your friend dripping with cherry Faygo. Dave and June ran off somewhere-- eh, you could care less. It didn't matter where those two went.

VRISKA: Terezi!!!!!!!! Long time no see! :::;) 

TEREZI: L34V3 M3 4LON3, VR1SK4 

VRISKA: Whyyyyyyyy? We can do gr8 things together! Again! 

TEREZI: YOU M4D3 M3 BL1ND, 1'M NOT JO1N1NG YOU 4G41N! 1 DON'T C4R3 WH4T DUMB SH3N4N1G4NS YOU'R3 UP TO, YOU C4N COUNT M3 OUT. 

VRISKA: We can 8e G8DS!!!!!!!! 

TEREZI: DON'T YOU H4V3 4 D4T3 TO G3T B4CK TO? 

VRISKA: He left me! C8n you 8elieve that? A cow8rd like Kark8t a8andoning ME! Me, of 8LL PEOPLE! 

TEREZI: SO SURPR1S1NG. 

VRISKA: I know, right???????? 

TEREZI: TH4T W4S S4RC4SM, VR1SK4 

Suddenly, you hear screaming from a little ways away. Goddamnit, you knew you were popular, but can people just leave you alone to spend some time with your ex-best friend and possible ex-girlfriend? Yeah, even you still don't know where you stood on that. 

KARKAT: SERKET GET YOUR MANIPULATIVE SELF BACK OVER HERE! WE HAVE UNFINISHED BUSINESS! 

TEREZI: YOUR BOYFR13ND 1S C4LL1NG. 

VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha! Karkat and I? D8ING???????? Terezi, back at it again with the amazing humor!

TEREZI: DON'T PL4Y DUMB W1TH M3. YOU TR34T M3 L1K3 4 B4BY! 

VRISKA: 8ut we aren't a thing! I wouldn't come with him to this! 

TEREZI: YOU TOLD M3 YOU D1D. YOU S41D H3 D1TCH3D YOU. 

VRISKA: No I didn't! Stop m8king up lies a8out me! 

TEREZI: "He left me! C8n you 8elieve that? A cow8rd like Kark8t a8andoning ME! Me, of 8LL PEOPLE!" Y34H R1GHT. 

VRISKA: Okay, fine! You got me there! 8ut I'm also trying to 8VOID him! He's going to yell at me and call me rude things again! 

TEREZI: SOUNDS L1K3 YOU D3S3RV3 1T. K4RK4T! OV3R H3R3! SH3'S OV3R H3R3! 

You try and make a run for it, but Terezi stomps down on your train, a shark-like smile on her face when you look over your shoulder at her. Footsteps pound down the hall. You need to get the fuck out of there. Karkat is definitely pissed at you. 

VRISKA: Let me go!!!!!!!! 

TEREZI: YOU N3V3R H4V3 TO P4Y TH3 CONS3QU3NC3S FOR YOUR 4CT1ONS! TH1S 1S YOUR R3TR1BUT1ON. 

VRISKA: Terezi, please! I promise I'll take the punishment, just N8T TH8S! 

TEREZI: LOOK WHO'S H3R3! 

You look over. It was Karkat, hands on his knees, heaving for breath. He was clearly in a hurry, and he had a sick scowl on his face. You couldn't tell if he was pissed off more than normal since his normal face looks like that. 

TEREZI: 1'LL L34V3 YOU TWO B3 

You wanted to call after her and make her stay, but you remember that she was the one who trapped you here, and now you were glad she was gone. You face your date, brushing off your dress. 

VRISKA: WH8T? What is SO important that you had to come to me? 

KARKAT: WE ARE GOING TO FIX EVERYTHING WE SCREWED UP BECAUSE. OF. YOU. AND. YOUR. ******DUMB*****. PLAN! 

He pokes you above the chest hard every time he says a word to punctuate it. 

VRISKA: I'd love to accept the offer, 8ut I'm afraid I can't! 

KARKAT: WHY THE FUCK NOT? 

VRISKA: 8ecause it's irreversi8le! You think we can just fix the trauma Nepeta pro8a8ly just faced 8y apologizing?  
VRISKA: I'm starting to think you're on as many drugs as Gamzee! 

KARKAT: SHUT UP! YOU'RE WRONG! THERE *HAS* TO BE A WAY TO FIX IT! I'M NOT ON ANY DRUGS, I JUST HAVE A SENSE OF REMORSE! YOU SHOULD TRY THAT OUT SOMETIME, MAYBE PEOPLE WOULD LIKE **YOU!** 

VRISKA: What are you t8lking a8out? People LOVE me! 

KARKAT: PFFFFFT! AND I'M WILL SMITH. 

VRISKA: Oh, don't start! 

KARKAT: START WHAT? 

VRISKA: Start talking a8out your weird man-crush on Will Smith! 

KARKAT: I DO *NOT* HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM! I JUST APPRECIATE HIS BUCKETS OF TALENT THAT YOU WILL NEVER HAVE! 

VRISKA: You don't either! 

KARKAT: I DIDN'T SAY THAT! 

VRISKA: Whatever! 

KARKAT: SO ARE YOU HELPING ME OR NOT? 

VRISKA: It's a lost cause, let it go~~~~~~~~ 

KARKAT: NUH-UH. YOU JUST RUINED THAT LINE FROM FROZEN. I HATE THAT SONG NOW. 

VRISKA: Oh, 8oohoo! 

KARKAT: SHUT UP! JUST TELL ME IF YOU'RE HELPING ME OR NOT. 

VRISKA: I'll help you only if I don't have to pay! 

KARKAT: UGH, FINE. 

VRISKA: Yay! Now, Captain Cra88y Pants, what's your 8ig, master plan? 

KARKAT: I DON'T HAVE ONE. 

VRISKA: You WH8T?! 

KARKAT: SORRY, I FORGOT YOU WERE AN IDIOT. LET ME SAY IT SLOWER.  
KARKAT: I  
KARKAT: DON'T  
KARKAT: HAVE  
KARKAT: A  
KARKAT: *******PLAN!*******  


VRISKA: Of course you don't!  
VRISKA: If you want anything done right, you gotta do it yourself, Vriska. 

KARKAT: YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? 

VRISKA: Shut up! So do y8u! 

KARKAT: AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE TO REASSURE MYSELF BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WILL DO IT! 

VRISKA: Uuuuuuuugh!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: This was EX8CTLY what I meant!

Since Karkat was too dumb and incompetent to do anything, it was all up to you again! It's always been just you! For god's sake, what were you even expecting when you asked him out? It sure as hell wasn't this! Now you needed to come up with a dumb plan that'll hopefully fix everything. But what if you just scam Karkat again? Boy, that would be funny! Make him feel all nice inside (not in a weird way), and then he'll think everything's back to normal, but how? It needed to deal with Nepeta, that was his main focus. You don't know why, you had basically just helped him get that sack of weird ships and raw meat off his back. He probably felt really creeped out by her crush on him. God, even you feel pity for that dude right now. You think long and hard-- just kidding, you think short and weak, but come up with nothing. Shocker. It was like, impossible to make Karkat feel happy. That emotion was alien to him. How the fuck are you going to go about doing this? It's not like you can make Nepeta go along with this dumb plan. You've basically made enemies with everyone at the party-- except Dave and June. You saved them from a humiliating defeat with Terezi. They should be thanking you! You kept them safe, and what did they give you in return? _The humiliating defeat with Terezi!_

Whatever. You had come up with a plan. 

VRISKA: 8efore you say no and storm off like you always do, just consider this.  
VRISKA: You and me, we're going to get 8lack-out drunk. Don't worry, I had a special source 8ring in exactly what we need. 

KARKAT: OH YES, LIKE GETTING ALCOHOL INTO A **MIDDLE SCHOOL** WAS MY TOP PRIORITY. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE GETTING DRUNK?  
KARKAT: PLUS, THAT'S AGAINST THE **LAW!** I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE TOSSED IN JAIL AT THE RIPE AGE OF THIRTEEN. 

VRISKA: Chillax! It's not like we're actually getting drunk! We aren't Gamzee! Just, go with me, okay? You'll have to forgive me, 8ecause I really, really don't wanna do this!  


KARKAT: WHAT? 

VRISKA: Whatever, it doesn't matter! 

KARKAT: NO, NO, HOLD ON. THAT ISN'T GOING BY SO EASILY. IS VRISKA SERKET, QUEEN OF MANIPULATION AND NO REMORSE, ACTUALLY APOLOGIZING FOR SOMETHING AND NOT WANTING TO DO SOMETHING BAD?  
KARKAT: HELLO? IS VRISKA IN THERE?

You immediately scrap the drug idea. It's time you do things right. For once in your goddamned life, you're going to do something right, and you sure as hell are going to make sure it doesn't fail. 

KARKAT: OK, YOU AREN'T GIVING ME A RESPONSE. I'M NOT GOING TO GET DRUNK WITH YOU, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU THOUGHT I MIGHT EVEN POSSIBLY DO THAT. WHATEVER BATSHIT PLAN THAT'S COOKING UP IN YOUR MESSED-UP BRAIN, COUNT ME THE FUCK OUT. 

VRISKA: No, you N88D to 8e here! 

KARKAT: MY BAD! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WHATEVER STICK UP YOUR ASS NEEDS EXTRA HELP IN EXTRACTING IT. I'M LEAVING TO GO FIX THINGS, BECAUSE ALL YOU'VE EVER CARED ABOUT WAS DOING THE *WRONG* THING AT THE *WRONG* TIME WHEN EVERYTHING WAS SUPPOSED TO BE *RIGHT!*  
KARKAT: YOU NEVER KNOW HOW TO HELP. YOUR IDEA OF 'HELPING' IS DIGGING EVERYONE INTO A HOLE DEEPER THAN THEIR WISH TO OFF THEMSELVES.  
KARKAT: SO PLEASE, GO FUCK OFF. 

Wow. You just got your ass handed to you by a midget. You can't just take that! And why did it _hurt?_

VRISKA: No! I'm g8ing to help! 

KARKAT: LAST TIME YOU TRIED TO HELP, YOU ENDED WITH US IN A WORSE SITUATION THAN WE WERE IN BEFORE! WHAT THE *FUCK* COULD YOU *POSSIBLY* THINK IS HELPING *NOW*? YOU'LL PROBABLY SAY OH, LET'S GO KILL NEPETA! THAT'LL BE EASY! SOLVES ALL YOUR PROBLEMS! MURDERING YOUR FRIENDS IS A GREAT WAY TO GET RID OF ALL YOUR CARES! A GREAT OUTLET IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING WITH SOMETHING! LET'S GO DO IT, SOUNDS LIKE TOTAL FUN! I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS, BUT YOUR HELP IS NOT NEEDED ANYMORE. HARLEY AND ZAHHAK ARE BOTH AFTER US. YOU THINK THEY'LL JUST LET YOU DO WHATEVER THE FUCKING HELL YOU WANT? YOU KNOW HOW CLOSE THEY BOTH WERE TO NEPETA. SO, WHAT'S YOUR GRAND PLAN? HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO GET US OUT OF THIS CONUNDRUM? DO ENLIGHTEN ME! I'D LOVE TO HEAR YOUR MARVELOUS, MAGNIFICENT PLAN THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE ANYONE GETTING HURT OR MURDERED OR DRUNK. PLEASE TELL. 

VRISKA: No! 

KARKAT: NO? NO?! YOU HAD JUST BEEN *DYING* TO TELL ME THIS AND NOW YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SAY ***NO???????*** 

VRISKA: You didn't ask n8cely! 

KARKAT: OH, MY BAD! TOTALLY MY FAULT FOR NOT WANTING TO GET OUT OF THIS SITUATION AS FAST AS FUCKING POSSIBLE! I SAID PLEASE LAST TIME. JUST TELL ME! 

VRISKA: It was sarcastic! Say it nicer! 

KARKAT: UGH!  
KARKAT: PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOUR PLAN IS. 

VRISKA: Fine!  
VRISKA: So, here's how it's going to work. We go back in there, and I go over to Jade and Equius. I'll tell them exactly what happened: it was all a joke and Nepeta was playing along with it. 

KARKAT: WHAT IF THEY FIND OUT? 

VRISKA: They woooooooon't! It'll 8e fine! Now don't interrupt again! 

VRISKA: So, I'll tell them it was all a joke and Nepeta played along. If they dou8t me, I'll just keep stalling. Here's where you come in. You're going to find Nepeta and fix your pro8lem with her. Why you, you might ask. To that, I say, 8ecause you're the one she has a crush on, of course! Even though you practically 8roke her heart, she'll still cling onto your every word like the 8rat she is. Can't even do anything for herself, Jesus Christ... 

KARKAT: AND HOW DO WE KNOW HARLEY OR ZAHHAK WON'T ASK LEIJON ABOUT THE JOKE? 

VRISKA: I said no interrupting! Are you seriously that dum8? You're going to tell her that it was a joke! You have to make her to agree to say that it was, or the whole plan will fail and it'll 8e your fault! Got it?

KARKAT: FINE, LET'S JUST GET THIS OVER WITH. 

Karkat takes the lead down the hall back towards the dance. It was pretty easy to find it again, being that the music blaring from the speakers could be heard throughout the whole school. You wondered if people were going deaf in there. It wouldn't surprise you, and frankly, it might make you the slightest bit happier. However, that wasn't your main focus. Your main focus was on the thoughts swirling through your head. You could so easily just betray him and not stall Jade and Equius, and shift the blame of everything onto him, pleading your innocence. Oh, the power you held! The pure, raw power all at the tip of your tongue. You could change the outcome of the whole night with just one word. Ohohoho boy, you should not have been trusted with this power. It was not good for you. Well, it was totally good for *you* but not for everyone else! Hahah, suckers! You wouldn't do that, though. At least, not right now. It didn't seem any fun to ruin it all at the beginning! However, your malicious thoughts seemed to have eaten up the time, for you and Karkat had already arrived at the dance. You split up with him, heading your own way. You were off to go find a cripple, a freakishly tall furry, and a freakishly short horse smut artist. The group wasn't very hard to find. White dog ears really stick out among the crowd, eh? 

VRISKA: Taaaaaaaavroooooooos!!!!!!!! 

TAVROS: oH, uM, hEY, vRISKA 

EQUIUS D --> Serket  
EQUIUS: D --> What have you done 

VRISKA: Me? Doing s8mething WR8NG? Couldn't 8e!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: I'm innocent! 

JADE: yeah? well i saw what you did!  
JADE: and you are going to pay! 

VRISKA: Oh! I am soooooooo scared! Whatever shall I do? I'm just quivering in my pir8 8oots thinking a8out making me pay! Don't make my punishment too harsh, pretty please! 

EQUIUS: D --> You will stop with the insolent a% at once  
EQUIUS: D --> That is an order

JADE: and be quiet! no one wants to hear you! 

VRISKA: Or what? Sounds like our little puppy's all yip and no 8ite! 

JADE: thats not even the saying! 

TAVROS: jADE, yOU SHOULD CALM DOWN, jUST A BIT 

VRISKA: Thank you Tavros! See, I always knew you were sensi8le! 

EQUIUS: D --> What were your motives for what you have done? You will answer truthfully or I will force it out of you 

VRISKA: For the hell of it!!!!!!!! :::;) 

JADE: for the HELL OF IT?!?!? 

VRISKA: Oh, Jade, you're so gulli8le! Of course not! Nepeta and Karkat and I, we all made up this funny joke! It was all a jooooooooke! Jade, you know what a joke is right? J-O-K-E! Even Nepeta agreed to it! 

You stare in sick happiness as you watch Jade's mouth go agape. That's right, believe all the little lies you feed her. It took you every ounce of willpower in your body not to burst out laughing at her reaction! This was gold! If only Karkat were here to witness this. He would've taken a picture of her shock and posted it everywhere! Okay, maybe *he* wouldn't but you totally would! The whole world deserved to see how Jade was so dumbfounded! You just hoped Karkat wasn't betraying you right now, like you had thought of doing. That would make this whole priceless reaction go to complete and utter waste. Speaking of him, you better go check what he's up to.

****

==> Be Karkat ****

** **

You had been tasked with taking care of Nepeta. Oh wait, hold on, sorry. You are now KARKAT VANTAS. You had been tasked with taking care of Nepeta. The job seemed fairly easy at first, and you originally thought Vriska had it bad. However, you soon came to the realization that you had absolutely no clue where the short girl had been. Last you had seen her was with Jade, on the verge of tears, but later you heard from eavesdropping that she had fled. That was probably what any sensible person would have done-- just immediately leave the prom. God, why didn't you think of that before you went into that dumb janitor's closet? Whatever, not important right now. You wished you had a lead for this search. In addition, the last conversation you had with Nepeta ended with you probably leaving her heart crushed into a million tiny pieces. No, scratch that. The last conversation you had with Nepeta ended with you leaving her heart crushed into a million tiny pieces. There was no 'probably' in it anymore. It was a definite fact. She was crushed. It would be hard apologizing to her after she had held onto your opinions so dearly. The catgirl took everything you said into account and kept it close. If there was any sort of negative critique, it was obvious she would try and fix it later on. You had just recently told her that everything she had done was creepy and a waste of oxygen and space. Oh god, what have you *done*? You start to realize that you've asked yourself that question multiple times and have never received an answer. You knew exactly what you did, and you really had wished you hadn't. 

** **

**==> Get your Nepeta on! **

What? ****

** ==> Did you hear me? Get your Nepeta on!  **

No, I heard you, idiot. What does *that* mean? ****

** ==> Pretend you're Nepeta!  **

Does that mean I have to do her shit roleplay? ****

** ==> Yeah  **

And her horrible cat puns? ****

** ==> Yup!  **

No way. ****

** ==> Please?  **

Fine! You can't believe you let yourself be swayed by some dumb action thing. You are now NEPETA LEIJON (Karkat version.) Nya, nya, nya! Look at me, I'm a little cat girl meow meow! Check meowt! I'm so kawaii-desu! Nya, nya, nya!

** **

**==> That's seriously your Nepeta interpretation? **

Um, maybe? b>

==> Do it the right way! 

No! Just go be her instead! I'm not doing a Nepeta impression! 

** ==> Wow! You are no fun!  
==> Be Nepeta.  **

** **

** **

You are now NEPETA LEIJON. (Not the Karkat version.) You had just left the prom after holding in tears from falling. Crying, as viewed by you, was weak. Showing emotion like that was frowned upon, or at least it was taught that way when you grew up. People had it worse than you, so why waste your tears on yourself? That didn't matter right now. You were sitting alone in the art room with the door locked. The people who had made decorations for the prom had left it open, so it was practically free real estate at this point. You usually went here with Jade on your friend-dates. You would mess around with the yarn, but now you had no one to do it with. You were truly alone. Just like it had been before Club Adorabloodthirsty came around. Funny that the thing that made you feel so happy before ended up being your downfall. You were sitting at the far table, drawing all over a piece of paper. You weren't the best artist in the world, but you enjoyed drawing every once in a while. However, you were soon alerted to an urgent knocking on the door. Karkat was peering through the door, yelling, but his voice was muffled through the door. You didn't want to be yelled at. Not again. You go over to the door and cover up the window with that magnet cover that they use in lockdown drills.

** **

**==> Be Karkat **

You are now KARKAT VANTAS. This time you get to actually be him. Not some Karkat version of Nepeta. You had finally found Nepeta. It was a sad fucking sight. She had the lights turned off, sitting at the back table, drawing whatever the hell she was drawing. It really put things into perspective. You slammed on the door, trying to get into the room, eventually resorting to yelling your heart out. She looked up only once, and didn't look you in the eye. She just blocked off the window. 

KARKAT: NEPETA!  
KARKAT: NEPETA FUCKING LEIJON! STOP IGNORING ME, IDIOT!  
KARKAT: GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE AND TALK TO ME!  


ARADIA: it's like talking t0 a c0rpse! 

KARKAT: HOLY FUCKING SHIT! PEIXES, MEGIDO, WHAT DID WE TALK ABOUT ABOUT SNEAKING UP ON SOMEONE? 

FEFERI: I don't think we talked about t)(at! 

KARKAT: LOOK, THIS IS A SOLO ENDEAVOUR. WHY ARE YOU TWO SHITHOLES EVEN HERE? 

ARADIA: it's kind 0f hard t0 ign0re s0me0ne yelling fr0m acr0ss the hall 

KARKAT: UGHHHHH. JUST, IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO SOMETHING ACTUALLY FUCKING USEFUL, PLEASE SEE YOURSELF OFF MY FUCKING DICK, AND AWAY FROM ME. I'M KIND OF BUSY. 

FEFERI: Busy wit)( w)(at? 

ARADIA: y0u seemed t0 be yelling nepeta's name at the d00r  
ARADIA: the class is empty th0ugh 

KARKAT: NO! IT DEFINITELY IS *NOT* EMPTY! I KNOW SHE'S IN THERE, SHE JUST NEEDS TO OPEN THE DOOR! 

FEFERI: But w)(y are you yelling at )(er? )(as s)(e done somet)(ing wrong? 

KARKAT: PEIXES, LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME WHEN NEPETA'S DONE SOMETHING WRONG. 

FEFERI: Ummmm... 

KARKAT: THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. 

ARADIA: can y0u answer her first questi0n? 

KARKAT: I'M YELLING AT HER PURELY FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES!  
KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU FUCKING THINK? I MESSED EVERYTHING UP! LEAVE IT TO KARKAT TO MAKE EVERYONE'S LIVES HORRIBLE AND A LIVING HELL JUST BY EXISTING!  
KARKAT: LEIJON I'M NOT GOING TO ASK YOU AGAIN! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!  
KARKAT: YOU CAN'T STAY IN THERE MOPING AROUND LIKE A FUCKING LOSER! YOU'RE STRONGER THAN THAT, I KNOW YOU ARE, SO COME OVER HERE AND LET ME THE FUCK IN!  
KARKAT: WE HAVE UN FUCKING FINISHED BUSINESS! 

You slam on the door a few more times, before resorting to punching the fucking thing as if you could knock it down. This didn't do anything but leave your hand hurting like hell. You slam the sides of your fists into the metal, leaning your forehead against the door. Great job, Karkat! You failed again! 

ARADIA: hell0 karkat?  
ARADIA: earth t0 karkat! 

FEFERI: We s)(ould get )(im to t)(e nurse's office! Quick! 

ARADIA: yeah, pr0bably 

KARKAT: NO!  
KARKAT: NO.  
KARKAT: I HAVE WORK TO DO. JUST LEAVE ME THE *FUCK* ALONE! DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME THE FIRST GODDAMN TIME? MAKE USE OF YOUR LEGS THAT ACTUALLY WORK AND GO AWAY! 

ARADIA: 0_0 

You hear the scurrying of footsteps and hushed whispers as they left. Hopefully now Nepeta will come out. You really hoped so. 

NEPETA: :(( < you didnt change 

What the fuck was that even supposed to mean? At least she was talking to you, though. She wouldn't look at you. She had only cracked the door open just a bit, enough to get her voice through. From what you could tell, her voice didn't sound nasally like other's did after they cried. Was she even crying? 

KARKAT: WHAT? 

NEPETA: :(( < you yelled at aradia and fefuri  
NEPETA: :(( < murr so than usual 

KARKAT: LOOK, I JUST WANT TO APOLOGIZE. 

NEPETA: :(( < why? 

KARKAT: BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE A DICK? 

NEPETA: :(( < and you didnt f33l that way when you and vwiskers told me that my shipping was cr33py and that i was a fureak fur thinking people actually cared about me? and that my roleplaying was annoying and that i was a little purrat?  
NEPETA: :(( < you just now f33l like that? 

Jesus fucking Christ. When she puts it that way, it really hurts. she had pulled the door fully open, arms across her chest. You knew she liked to come here to play with yarn with Jade, but you had completely ruined that just by following Vriska's plan. 

NEPETA: :(( < and you didnt f33l that way when you made me think bad of myself fur having a crush on you?  
NEPETA: :(( < i dont know if you know that efurything you insulted was impurrtant to me!  
NEPETA: :(( < i dont think you realize this stuff! you always say we only exist to make your life miserable but you s33m to be the one making people miserable! 

She had a good fucking point. 

NEPETA: :(( < are you just going to stand there or what? 

KARKAT: SORRY! I REALLY AM. 

NEPETA: >:(( < sorry wont cut it! just go back to your girlfuriend or something s33 if i care! 

She slammed the door in your face. You rub your eyes in exhaustion. You didn't even get a word in besides 'sorry', You're so great at this apology thing! Which of your friends are good at that? Kanaya and Rose were your frontrunners, but both of them insisted you fix everything on your own. You had blown up on Aradia and Feferi. No fucking way would you enlist Gamzee or Terezi when- 

GAMZEE: hOnK! :o)  
GAMZEE: i FoUnD hEr KaRkAT!  
GAMZEE: sHe BrOuGhT sOmE fRiEnDs WiTh HeR! 

Uh oh. The only friends she would have brought were Harley, Zahhak, and Nitram. You cross your fingers and hope to God that maybe Vriska had brought other random people along, but your worst suspicions were confirmed when Gamzee rounded the corner. Sure enough, there was a petrified Tavros, and an infuriated Equius and Jade. Vriska seemed content, though. Had she filled her end of the bargain? Even if she did, she had promised to stall until you brought Nepeta over. You thought that was the plan, at least. 

VRISKA: Karkat!!!!!!!! 

KARKAT: SERKET WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE FUCKING STALLING! 

Vriska leans down to whisper into your ear. 

VRISKA: I convinced them, though! So I just started wandering around when Gamzee came and just honked and told us we were playing hide and seek! Like, what the fuck? 

KARKAT: UGH. 

VRISKA: Did you convince Nepeta? 

KARKAT: ERR... NO. SHE'S UNCONVINCABLE AS A ROCK! SHE JUST GOT MAD AND THEN LOCKED HERSELF BACK IN THE ROOM. LOOK, SHE'S FUCKING PITIFUL. LOOK AT WHAT *WE* DID TO HER! 

Vriska peers in through the window in the door since Nepeta had removed the blinds. Judging by her expression, you could tell she was shocked. Vriska had only manipulated people like Tavros because they were too unmotivated to fight back, but Nepeta was different. You really done did it now, and maybe seeing Nepeta all alone put some remorse into Vriska.

JADE: this was such a dumb joke! can we go in to see her now? 

EQUIUS: D --> I concur with Jade 

TAVROS: gUYS, i DON'T THINK SHE WANTS TO COME OUT, 

JADE: why not? it was just a joke, right? 

TAVROS: vRISKA LOOKS WORRIED, i DON'T THINK IT WAS ONE, 

VRISKA: Wh8t are you talking a8out? Of c8urse it was a j8ke! I would never do that to dear, sweet precious, N8p8ta! 

TAVROS: cAN WE GO SEE HER NOW, tHEN? sHE MUST BE ALRIGHT, sINCE IT WAS A JOKE.

KARKAT: NO YOU FUCKING CAN'T! 

VRISKA: Get it through your thick sk8ll that she D8ESN'T want to 8e 8oth8red! Go aw8y for a sec8nd! 

JADE: i should have the right to go in there! >:P 

KARKAT: AND WHAT MAKES YOU SO ENTITLED TO THAT, HARLEY? 

JADE: because shes my girlfriend! duh! 

KARKAT: WAIT, WHAT? 

EQUIUS: D --> You are in cahoots with her 

JADE: shoot wait i lied! haha, funny joke right guys? eh, tavros? super funny right? 

TAVROS: oH, uH, yEAH, iT WAS, jADE 

VRISKA: Stop the fucking show! You two are a thing? 

JADE: i dont know! i dont wanna get into it i just wanna see her and talk to her! 

KARKAT: WELL, AS OF THIS MOMENT, SHE ISN'T FUCKING COMING OUT FROM HER CRYING SESSION IN THE ART ROOM. 

EQUIUS: D --> Nepeta is crying? She never sorrows 

KARKAT: HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU, ZAHHAK, BUT NEPETA IS CAPABLE OF SADNESS.

EQUIUS: D --> She is STRONG. She does not cry unless she has been badly harmed  
EQUIUS: D --> This was not a joke 

VRISKA: Yes it is! I think we know 8etter than some idiot who sits in his room all day drawing NSFW pictures of horses! 

EQUIUS: D --> The horses I commit my time to are e%quisite equestrians 

VRISKA: Suuuuuuuure! All I'm saying is that I wouldn't lie to you, and Kark8t would never lie! 

JADE: he lied right to nepetas face! 

VRISKA: And you've lied to ours! 

Woah. Was Vriska actually defending you. _Spider bitch_ was defending you, **_spider bitch of all people!_** Something was definitely up with that girl, but you just didn't know what. However, you noticed the spider's comment made Jade shrink back a bit. Woah. The dog girl turned around and pushed Vriska out of the way, heading away. Equius and Tavros soon followed suit, not wanting to be left behind. 

KARKAT: WHY'D YOU FUCKING DO THAT? 

VRISKA: Do whaaaaaaaat???????? 

KARKAT: DEFEND ME, YOU ABSOLUTE SHITHEAD. 

VRISKA: Oh, I don't knoooooooow, may8e 8ecause you'd h8 me forever if I didn't???????? 

KARKAT: WOW, I AM SO FUCKING FLATTERED TO KNOW MY OPINION *ACTUALLY* MATTERS TO YOU. 

VRISKA: Don't let it go to your head! It's only for toni8. Don't get distracted! We still need to make it up to Nepeta. 

KARKAT: YOU ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THAT SHIT NOW? 

VRISKA: Shut up! Don't act like it's such a shocker!!!!!!!! 

KARKAT: I'M NOT ACTING LIKE IT. IT *IS* A SHOCKER. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE WORD NICE MEANS, SO I DON'T SEE WHY YOU'RE TRYING ANYMORE. 

VRISKA: Have you ever heard of character development, or have you used up every 8raincell left in that thick skull of yours to remem8er the plot of every rom-com in existence? Or may8e you're too irrelevant to realize this? 

KARKAT: WHAT. 

VRISKA: It's not like you're one of the main characters of this plotline! No way! Why would *you* 8e a main character anyway? No one wants to read a8out a cra88y asshole insulting his friends for 10,000 words! 

KARKAT: YOU AREN'T MAKING ANY SENSE. 

VRISKA: My 8ad! I forgot you were an idiot for a second. No one wants to read a8out you! 

KARKAT: NO FUCKING SHIT, SHERLOCK. NO ONE WOULD WRITE ABOUT ME IN THE FIRST GODDAMN PLACE.  
KARKAT: CAN WE JUST GET BACK TO THE TASK AT HAND? 

You say, then turn to the door to slam it again when it opens slightly. A disheveled Nepeta peeks through. Her hair was a tousled mess, her cat beanie was in her hands, and she was gripping it so tightly her knuckles were white. You would have expected her to have ripped it in half by now. Her cheeks were all red. 

NEPETA: :33 < sorry 

KARKAT: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU APOLOGIZING? 

NEPETA: :33 < beclaws i got upset at you even when you didnt deserve it 

KARKAT: DIDN'T DESERVE IT? WHAT A FUCKING JOKE! I DESERVED EVERY SECOND OF IT, LEIJON.  
KARKAT: IF ANYONE DIDN'T DESERVE SOMETHING, IT'S YOU. WE WERE BITCHES TO YOU. 

NEPETA: :33 < its ok  
NEPETA: :33 < cant go back and change the pawst  
NEPETA: :33 < so dont even worry your tails! 

Despite her appearance, she gave you a bright smile. You'd have almost fell for it if her eyes weren't watering up. 

KARKAT: YOU'RE ABOUT TO FUCKING CRY. 

VRISKA: Karkat, lay off!!!!!!!! You shouldn't 8e swearing at her right now! Nepeta, we're 8oth sorry a8out what we did. Neither of us should have done that to you! It was a horri8le decision on 8oth our parts. Don't hold us against it though, please! We didn't mean to. You see, we had this plan-- 

Vriska stops, overhearing something Nepeta muttered. Something about being a tool. 

VRISKA: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! You aren't a tool! We weren't trying to use you. We planned on telling you 8efore Prom, 8ut that wouldn't have 8een fun. Wait, no, I'm sorry, forget that. Look, all I'm trying to say is, we take 8ack everything we said. None of it was true! It was all just a joke! 

You could tell she wasn't being sincere, but at least she was trying. You had to commemorate her for that. 

NEPETA: :33 < just stop apawlogizing! i already got the memo  
NEPETA: :33 < im going now  
NEPETA: :33 < if you s33 jade again tell her to come back her please and just so you know, you two are on the shipping waul officially! 

With one more vibrant smile, Nepeta disappeared back into the art room. Him and Vriska. On Nepeta's shipping wall. You look over at the spider bitch. Oh yeah, no fucking way. You were repulsed by even picturing you and her as a...thing. How can she even stand shipping?! Whatever.

KARKAT: SO MUCH FOR MAKING FUCKING AMENDS. 

VRISKA: It went soooooooo well! She said everything was O.K.! No need to 8e sarcastic, cra8pants. 

KARKAT: A NEW NICKNAME? WILL YOU EVER GIVE IT A FUCKING REST? 

VRISKA: You know, I've 8een thinking a8out that, and I've come to the conclusion that no, I definitely will not 8e giving it a rest! 

KARKAT: OF COURSE. 

VRISKA: Now, let's get the hell out of here 8efore you go apeshit again! 

KARKAT: BEFORE *I* GO APESHIT? DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU-- 

VRISKA: Shut up, let's just goooooooo aaaaaaaalreeeeeeeeaaaaaaaadyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!! 

KARKAT: I THINK I FELL ASLEEP HALFWAY THROUGH THAT ALREADY. 

VRISKA: Ugh, whatever! Let's just go! 

KARKAT: FINE. 

** ==> Stop being Karkat.  **

You stop being KARKAT VANTAS. You are now just some random entity floating outside canonical events. You looking in on this wacky story. Karkat, with much hesitation, left with Vriska, probably splitting up when at the gate. Everything seemed normal, but there still was that giant rift between Equius, Nepeta, and Jade. You would touch up on their relationship, but that isn't the focus of this plotline. You can assure yourself that the relationship will be remedied sooner or later. Before we get back to the main topic of the story, let's address a few things you may or may not have noticed. In this, June is the headcanon of MTF John. Tavros and Equius went to the prom together. Jade and Nepeta are friends. They both had these major crushes on each other. Sollux posted the picture on the Internet, and Karkat blocked anyone who mentioned it to him. Okay, I think that's it. Let's get back to the story! Oh, yeah! Wanna know who hosted the prom? Well, too bad! You don't get to know! 

Spoiler alert: It was Nepeta. 

Hey, wait, you aren't even in this world! Get the fuck out of here, Dirk, no one likes you and your shitty triangle shades. 

Want to know why she hosted it? I would tell you, but she didn't actually host the prom. 

Dirk, you're confusing the reader! 

Don't you classify as 'the reader'? Aren't you confused yourself? 

Wait, what? 

Hm. Now, here's who actually hosted the prom. No more shitty lies. It was Vriska. No, I won't tell you her motive. Maybe you can figure that out through context clues like all your English teachers taught you to. 

Get out of my narrative! 

Fine. 

** ==> Peek in at an interesting moment.  **

CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY. 

CCG: I MADE THIS A FUCKING MEMO SO EVERYONE CAN LOOK AT IT. DON'T MAKE ME REGRET THIS. LOOKING AT THE ROLEPLAYING SHITS.  
CCG: WHAT ARE THE PLANS FOR THIS WEEKEND? LALONDE, YOU ANSWER. 

CURRENT tentacleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. 

CTT: Well, Kanaya and I had been thinking, and since the unfortunate event during prom, we decided it would be a splendid idea to go on a triple date! 

CCG: I'VE HEARD TONS OF SHITTY IDEAS, BUT THIS ONE SERIOUSLY TAKES THE RED VELVET ICECREAM CAKE ON TOP. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU EVEN WANT TO DO THAT? WHO WOULD EVEN BE GOING? 

CTT: I thought it would have been obvious. Forgive me for my false assumption. It will be Kanaya and I, Nepeta and Jade, and you and Vriska.  
CTT: No objections. 

CCG: WAIT, CAN'T I GO WITH ANYONE BESIDES VRISKA? 

FUTURE gardenGnostic [FGG] 3 DAYS FROM NOW responded to memo. 

FGG: trust me, youll love it! 

FUTURE gardenGnostic [FGG] 3 DAYS FROM NOW ceased responding to memo. 

CCG: ANYTHING WITH ME AND VRISKA WILL END SHITTILY! WHY ARE YOU GUYS DOING THIS? 

CTT: You'll find out soon enough, Vantas. 

CURRENT tentacleTherapist [CCT] RIGHT NOW ceased responding to memo. 

CGG: WOW. 

CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW closed memo.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It turns out Jade and Rose were right! Karkat did have a good time, as good a time as a Karkat could have. There might've been even a spark between him and Vriska! But we will never find out, will we? 

Spoiler alert^2: They kissed. I'm pretty sure they're dating. Nepeta's shipping wall doesn't lie. 

I told you to get out of my narrative, sewer rat! 

Your fault. You keep leaving out important parts. 

Just go! 

Fine. 

Wooh, deep breaths. Back to the story. In addition, Jade and Nepeta's relationship was intact! Didn't I tell you that it would? See, the person with narrative power never lies.  
<s>Fuck you, Dirk.</s>


End file.
